blondedawn

step by step

ever since i visited shady grove, i have had this weird feeling…sort of like i don’t know if this is right for us yet. my husband has been very supportive of my decision to go to sg, but he also voiced his thoughts about it, which are similar to how i’m feeling now. i guess we both feel like we’re jumping into something that overwhelms us. the tests and visits are enough to make you want to pull your hair out; just thinking about all of that makes me tired! i feel like we’re missing a step or two. like we’re starting at the top of a tall staircase and jumping down to the bottom without taking the time to test the other steps to get us from point a to point b.

i had an appointment yesterday and talked to my doctor about trying clomid. there’s no 3 day us, no follicle check, no trigger shot. just clomid, my body, and a day 21 progesterone test.

am i chickening out? maybe a little.
am i okay with this decision? yes.

i am pretty sure i will still go in for the day 3 us and the hsg next cycle; they are both covered by insurance and i should know that things are okay. but i think that’s where it will end – at least for now – with sg. it’s too much too fast.

finally

cd1 is here. terrible timing, but at least i know i can have many margaritas while on vacation this week!

we leave tomorrow for austin to spend a long weekend with some wonderful friends that we don’t get to see enough. i am so happy and excited to meet a dear friend’s 2 1/2 year old twin boys…i was fortunate enough to see my friend and her husband at another friend’s wedding in aspen (2007) but this will be the first time to meet the boys. i can’t wait!

so as far as my ultrasound and hsg and all that – it will have to wait until the next cycle. hopefully we can do it all in one go next time: cd3 ultrasound, cd5 hsg, sa for my husband, and start me on clomid! i have to call my nurse to let her know the status so maybe she’ll have other plans for me. :)

i won’t be blogging until we get back from texas so have a wonderful weekend!

and so it begins

i had my first appointment with shady grove today. i was there for 2.5 hours and my head is still spinning from information overload. 

the good news is that my blood tests (thank you wonderful endo for sending over the results!) are normal and consistent with pcos. note: when i say normal, i mean normal compared to others with pcos. not normal-normal. i was pleasantly surprised by this news since of course i had prepped myself for the worst. 

we have some homework…more blood work, a baseline ultrasound and hsg for me, sa for j, requesting a few more records, etc. we may or may not start clomid with the next cycle; it depends on timing (since we’re going out of town for 4 days in early june) and whether or not i need to take provera to induce my cycle. i’m okay with waiting until the july cycle and don’t want to stress myself out with rushing rushing rushing.

i have lots of calls to make; two of which are to our insurance companies to see if they cover various things. did any of you have the cystic fibrosis screening? was it covered by insurance? that’s the only thing i’m torn about.

oh – one really really major sucky thing about the location…there is a wic program for mothers on another floor.  i seriously saw no less than five pregnant women and three newborns just from walking in and out of the building. bad bad bad! i didn’t like that at alllllll.

i. am. exhausted.

i had a rough night last night. too many crazy emotions and worry are crowding out positive thoughts and logical thinking.

i have to rewind, refocus, and know that this has to be one step at a time. imagining worst-case scenario is not a good idea.

i am hopeful. i am thankful.

funny how things can turn around so quickly. naturally, this hopeful feeling could turn around just as quickly as it came, but i am hopeful that the insurance rep knew what she was talking about (celeste, i am counting on you!).

my company’s insurance plan is okay. i am not really complaining because it’s free for me – they pay everything. but you know that nothing is really for free, right? my company’s plan offers no fertility coverage. none. nada. zip. zilch. i know it’s very common and that’s very unfortunate.  my plea for an add-on policy was met with a nice, yet still disappointing “sorry, no can do”.  my doubts and fears (and eye twitching!) increased. then i remembered that i hadn’t yet investigated my husband’s policy.

thankfully, he added me to his insurance plan last year. i was nervous and set myself up for disappointment again when i called the company. imagine my shock when the rep (celeste!) told me that the following things are covered: diagnoses and treatment of underlynig issues causing infertility, artificial insemination, and ovulation induction. with no limits. let me repeat that last part. with no limits. let’s take a moment and let that sink in.

i’m still in shock.

what’s not covered: advanced reproductive technology such as ivf, icsi (what is that?), egg retrieval, etc. it sounds like nothing surgical is covered, which is fine. we may or may not need to get to that point.

i’m trying to contact shady grove to see if they have this information. celeste (bless her heart) wasn’t able to fax it to me and said i had to contact the benefits director at my husband’s place of employment. getting him to investigate this would just be like pulling teeth.

i will update when i find out more! i hope it’s good news.

UPDATE: i talked to the financial counselor at shady grove – absolutely no help. :( i talked to the benefits director at my husband’s office (and for the record, i shall never doubt my husband again. he had her number for me within 10 minutes!), and while she was very nice and encouraging, she didn’t have much information. so i made one more call to the insurance company and again, she made my day (thank you, tessa!). she not only told me that celeste was indeed correct about coverage, but they also offer an infertility program. i was connected to a nurse who gave me an authorization for my visit on wednesday and went over my coverage. it sounds like the coverage stops when surgeries have to start…but most medications and IUIs are covered. holy shit. they will also cover surgeries for things such as ovarian drilling or blocked tubes. i am still in awe and so thankful for this unexpected turn of events.

i was nearly in tears when i talked to the nurse. i said how thankful i was and she said “that’s so good to hear. i’m surprised at how many people aren’t thankful and they have everything covered”. that baffles my mind!